Tonight I ordered a red sofa from Major Department Store on Busy Thoroughfare of Big City Like No Other.* I ordered it, not exactly impulsively (I have been needing a new sofa and planning to do this for awhile) but without much agonizing. I sat on a few different kinds of sofas, noted with disapproval that some creaked when I leaned back (these were the ones that were more within my price range, of course). I made a big circle around the floor, at one point getting a little confused about which sofas I had already encountered. I made a note to myself to come back to one where someone else was lounging and talking to the salesperson. I came back to that one--the red sofa--tested it out by sitting, leaning back against the cushions, and, finally, taking off my shoes and stretching out, my head propped up on a pillow against the chair arm. I imagined myself watching TV (yes, sad but true). As I was lying there, a salesman came round the bend with a potential customer, a youngish guy in a suit. The salesman was saying, "Oh, and here's another one you might like." I tried to pretend I was a mannequin, part of the display. I think I was afraid I would get into trouble if I let on I was human. Then the salesman acknowledged me, saying to the guy, "You can see how comfortable it is." I sat up so that the guy could also sit on the sofa. He said to the salesman, "Yes, very comfortable." Then, as they left, he said to me in a very concerned and solicitous tone (oh, and he had a British accent, just perfect), "Please put your feet back up."
Another salesman came by, I told him I was interested in the couch, we discussed various options and I decided to buy the sofabed version. We went back and forth over the color for awhile. I was drawn to the red--I told him, "I need a change in my life, maybe a red sofa will make things more exciting." He said, "Yeah, maybe it'll bring you luck." I don't know if we were talking about the same thing, but he was totally matter-of-fact and unsmarmy, so maybe he meant it in a kind of general way.
While he was writing up the sale, I started fretting about the color again. I thought maybe I should go for the other color, which was camel. What did he think, I asked him. He shook his head dubiously. "Well, you can't go wrong, it's a neutral color. But who doesn't have that color?" I said, "yes, you're right."
But we left it that I could call him if I had a change of heart about the color.
To allay my anxiety over this decision I decided I should go to the "intimate" department and buy some bras. I took the escalator down a couple of floors and wandered into the sea of dreamy, filmy lingerie. I was touching one of the lovely nightgowns admiringly, thinking about a conversation I had recently with a friend where we pondered whether buying sexy underthings as a gesture of optimism would somehow bring good things (i.e., sex) into one's life or whether it was like when you plan ahead and bring an umbrella and that almost guarantees that it won't rain, when all of a sudden I saw among the nightgowns a male colleague, a fellow adjunct. It took me a minute to place him, since I hadn't seen him all summer. Then we were both kind of embarrassed. He said, blushing a little, "I'm buying a present." Then he added, "It's not for me." I said, reassuringly, "Yes, I thought either you were with someone or you were buying a present." We chatted about our adjunct jobs for a little bit. Then there was an awkward silence, which I filled in with, "I just bought a red sofa." I told him I was having second thoughts about the color--maybe I should go for the camel. He said, emphatically, "No, because if you live in New York and you open the window all kinds of dirt and soot comes in and then it gets dirty and it doesn't look so nice. That's what happened to mine." I thanked him for the reassurance and we went our separate ways.
Now that I am home I am of course worried about the sofa again--not about the color but about whether it is too big for the space I have available in my very small apartment. So it seems I have just postponed the agonizing, not avoided it all together.
More when things are clearer.
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*I am borrowing that last pseudonym, of course, from
jo(e). Hmm, how does one cite a pseudonym on a blog?
